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Is there anyone out there that is willing to tutor me in drawing?  I'm starting to get desperate.

It would have to be for free, at least for now (and I can understand if this ends up deterring anyone who would even consider).  Really wish I could pay, but my current source of income isn't going to be around for much longer.

Let me know via notes if you're interested.  This would mean the world to me.

I left my mom’s house feeling fairly light-headed and exhausted.  I didn't think much of it as I had felt like that before.  But as I was driving, my breathing started getting heavier and quicker.  Focusing on driving became steadily harder.  I finally pulled over into a gas station.  My hands and fingers were getting very tingly and were shaking while I called 911 at one point feeling almost numb.  

As the ambulance took me to the hospital, the paramedic told me that I was experiencing a panic attack.

I’ve never had one of those before and let me tell you… it’s fucking scary.  I legit cried because I thought I was having a heart attack and was terrified of dying.

I’ve been discharged, though, and feel a lot better, albeit fairly exhausted.

Posted this on Tumblr, so I'll just link it here.…


Putting drawing stuff there, I guess.

I have one wallpaper obligation to finish, but after that, there very likely won't be any new content here for quite some time.

I have no interest in making wallpapers anymore and I've pretty much given up on drawing for the time being.  It's obvious that I'm incapable of being a self-learner and, as much as I want to take lessons or something, I won't be able to afford it for a long time.

I won't shut the account down or delete the wallpapers, but all the drawings have been put in storage.  If you do unwatch, there are no hard feelings.

Hey guys,

My good friend GraviousMaks is (and has been) open for commissions.  He's a great artist, but doesn't have a very large follower base and, as a result, hasn't been able to get many commissions.  Due to some life circumstances, he's in pretty big need right now.

Here's some examples of his work:

Request - Holy Pie by GraviousMaks  
Request - Chain Reaction by GraviousMaks

So if you're looking for an artist to commission, please consider him.  I would appreciate it and I know he would too.  :)

His commission info can be found here:…
Better late then never, right?  2013 was another extreme up-and-down year.  Plenty of good, mixed with plenty of bad, as is the case every year.

I'll start with art.  My production of wallpapers hit the floor this year.  In total, I uploaded 8 wallpapers in 2013.  In 2012, I posted 87 wallpapers (those numbers aren't counting the ones that I deleted recently).  I haven't uploaded one in over six months.  I'd be lying if I said burnout wasn't a contributing factor, coupled with a complete lack of inspiration.  I used to be someone who experimented heavily with different styles, but towards the end of last year, I started falling into using the same methods/style/resources between everything I made and it became extremely stale.  I tried to force myself to do different things, but nothing was ever successful and I ended up losing the motivation and desire to make anything.  The lack of doing anything creative was killing me, though, so I turned to drawing.

Drawing is something that I've wanted to be able to do since childhood, but I always believed in the notion that drawing was a gift that only the gifted could do and that I was most certainly not in possession of this gift.  It discouraged me from ever practicing.  Sometimes I'd doodle in a study hall when I was bored or something, but I never felt anything I drew was even worth showing to anybody and most of them ended up in the trash before I even left the classroom.  It wasn't until I joined DeviantART and started watching some fantastic artists that I learned that some of them only started like six months previous.  Then I learned of the famous Bob Ross quote, "Talent is a pursued interest. Anything that you're willing to practice, you can do."  These things encouraged me to finally pursue it.  In the beginning, it was nice.  I was making improvements everyday, and each improvement I made just made me want to draw more - until about 5 or so months ago.  I started to realize that I wasn't improving as fast.  I started comparing myself to other artists and I became jealous and discouraged.  In the last three to four months, I don't feel like I've been making any improvement at all.  And I think I've finally come to a conclusion as to why.  I think it's because I have basically zero grasp of any fundamentals.  I never practiced them.

So I bought a book.  I'm not very far into it, but so far, I really like the tone the author uses and how much he stresses staying loose and not worrying about doing everything perfect.  I've also been getting some tutoring from GraviousMaks, whom I really can't thank enough for offering his time to do this for me.  I'd highly recommend checking out his art and giving him a watch.

As for my personal life, well I've already written quite a bit here so I won't bore you with most of the details.  I ended up moving again.  From one grandparents' house to another.  I also had another big fight with my dad that ended with us not talking for months.  We still don't really talk much, but he had me over for Thanksgiving and a small Christmas get-together.  I also found out back in late September that I have high-functioning Autism, which I still don't know how to feel about.  On one hand, it's nice to know that there was a reason I've always been such an oddball, but on the other hand, it just reaffirms that I will pretty much always have a lot of trouble navigating social situations.  But, it is what it is.  There's no changing it so I might as well move on.

Hopefully, 2014 will be a better year, though it's already started out pretty shitty.  Happy 14-days-late New Years!
KibbieTheGreat felt like digging up my lifeless corpse and dragging me into a wallpaper collaboration.  No but seriously, I enjoyed working on it, even if Kibbie did most of the heavy lifting.  It was nice to finally do some graphics work again that wasn't a school project.

Defunct by KibbieTheGreat
Planning on deleting some wallpapers that I hate.  Any wallpapers in my scraps are being deleted tonight, so if there are any there that you want, get them now.
Tagged by smokeybacon
1 - You must post these rules
2 - Each person have to share 10 things about them
3 - Answer the 10 questions asked to you and invent 10 other questions the people you tag will have to answer
4 - Choose 10 people and put their icons on your journal
5 - Go to their page to inform them they are tagged
6 - Not something like "you are tagged if you read that"
7 - You have to legitimately tag 10 people
8 - No tag-backs
9 - You can't say that you don't do tags

10 Things about me:

1. I'm 5'10" tall and weigh about 130 lb.
2. I have 20/30 vision in my left eye and 20/15 in my right eye.
2. I have scoliosis.
3. I have never been farther east in the US than Pennsylvania and have never been outside the country.
4. I've been in 4 car accidents.
5. I am of Swedish, Polish, and Native American descent (bit of an odd mix).
6. I did not have to get my wisdom teeth removed.
7. I have had to get stitches twice, but to my knowledge, have never broken a bone (I might have cracked a rib or two a couple times, but I don't know for sure).
8. I drive a '96 Ford Thunderbird (V8).
9. Orange is my favorite color.
10. I've put about $1400 into my desktop PC over a period of about four years.

smokeybacon's Questions:

1. How long have you been a brony/When did you discover the show?
I started enjoying the show back in October of 2011.

2. How would you summarise yourself in 3 words?
Really fucking mental.

3. Ever watched any previous generations of MLP?

4. Favourite sport/pastime?
Baseball! (Huge Boston Red Sox fan).

5. Do you follow a sports team?
As stated above, the Boston Red Sox.

6. What is/are your favourite food(s)?
I don't really have favorites in many things.  Among food, I guess pizza and fettuccine alfredo are somewhere along the top.

7. Got any other favourite TV shows?
Besides baseball, I don't really watch any TV.

8. Given the chance, where on Earth would you most want to go?
I really don't know.

9. What would be your dream job?
Graphic designer in some capacity.

10. Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

My questions:

1. How long have you been a brony/When did you discover the show?
2. How would you summarise yourself in 3 words?
3. Ever watched any previous generations of MLP?
4. Favourite sport/pastime?
5. Do you follow a sports team?
6. What is/are your favourite food(s)?
7. Got any other favourite TV shows?
8. Given the chance, where on Earth would you most want to go?
9. What would be your dream job?
10. Has anyone really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like?

Fuck da rulez, I'm not gonna tag anybody.  If you feel like doing this, I guess you can answer the same questions.
I am so lost with art right now.  So many things I need work on and no idea what I should be focusing on.

Do I continue grinding anatomy for another six months?  Should I learn about values or gesture sketching or something else?  How do I even learn that stuff?

I don't know...

Working on a drawing.
I'm really sick of saying shit like "might be making stuff soon" because everytime I do, it doesn't fucking happen.

So, I'll just say I'm on an indefinite hiatus.  I have no idea when or if I'll upload anything besides drawings (even that's been sparse) again.  That doesn't mean, however, that I'm quitting or anything.  Just that I don't want to make empty promises to you guys anymore.
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday.  I wish I could respond to them all, but there were quite a few.  I do appreciate all of them, though!  :D
Only two days of premium membership left.  Ah well, it was fun while it lasted.

Anyways, last week was quite a turbulent week to say the least.  I had to move out of my grandparent's house because they were taking down the wall between my room and the living/kitchen area so they could actually have a dining area and didn't have anywhere else to put me.  I talked with my step-grandparents and they agreed to let me stay with them for a while, but I had to wait a week while they got the attic ready.  My dad "offered" to let me stay with him for the week (in quotes, because he told my grandma he would let me stay, but wanted me to pretty much beg him for it first), so I packed everything on Sunday and brought it all down to his house.

Well, that lasted a day and half before we had a big falling out and I ended up packing all my shit again and went back to my grandparents house where they let me sleep on the couch downstairs for the remainder of the week.

This last Saturday was moving day, and now I'm at my step-grandparent's house.  Just got the internet working last night (the router was fried so I went and got a new one) and I will hopefully be getting a proper desk soon so that I can get my desktop set up and start working on stuff again.

TL;DR - Boring life stuff.
As promised, here's the more in-depth journal about my experience at Bronycon.

I'll start off by saying that it was an absolute blast!  It was my first convention ever and I very much enjoyed it.  I got to meet so many people that I had only talked with online before, the atmosphere was very relaxed and friendly, and the astounding level of creativity within the community was on full display.  I spent more money than I'd like to admit, but there are no regrets.

I drove down there with Fifth--Element, a friend of his, and a friend of mine from MLP Forums (Chigens).  Once there, I got to meet so many amazing people like Matackable, Game-BeatX14, Finaglerific, irishthorns, some good friends from MLP Forums (NewCalamity, Zoop, Chaotic Discord, Marco, Feld0, Lumi/Scoots, Artemis, Fox, Skygunner, Thereisnospoon [who was the bane cosplayer], and others), and some friends from Tumblr (Railyx, Kakashi, and Blastdown [roomed with those three], Prochovask, ISky, and possibly others that I can't remember at the moment ;n; ).

I spent a lot of time roaming the vendor hall and picked up quite a bit of merch.

I got a buttload of buttons...
<da:thumb id="391703142"/>

A Fluttershy print from spittfireart...
<da:thumb id="391703035"/>

An Octavia print from 1Jaz...
<da:thumb id="391702981"/>

These two Octavia miniprints by spittfireart and Cherkivi that my friend gave me from this big grab bag thing he got...
<da:thumb id="391703176"/>

This Fluttershy/Discord print from blix-it...
<da:thumb id="391702952"/>

These prints from spittfireart, irishthorns, and probablyfakeblonde...
<da:thumb id="391703055"/>

This keychain from SpainFischer...
<da:thumb id="391702924"/>

And finally, a Luna shot glass, a lanyard, a comic book from CSImadmax, and a wicked cool Rainbow Dash coin.
<da:thumb id="391703096"/>

Like I mentioned above, I had a fantastic time and definitely plan on attending next year (Depending on my financial situation).

EDIT:  I ALMOST FOR GOT TO MENTION!  While there, I also commissioned an Octavia beanie plush from NerdyMind, just like the one pictured here:
Octavia and Scratch 2.0 Pocket Pony by NerdyMind
Proper follow up will come later when I can grab some pictures.

In the meantime, I think I REALLY needed that trip.  It really lifted my spirits to finally be able to meet and hang out with so many people that I had only gotten to talk to online before.  I got to meet people like Matackable, Finaglerific, irishthorns, Game-BeatX14, and a buttload of friends from Tumblr and MLP Forums.

I also believe the time I spent away from the computer was really beneficial.  That, and being surrounded by so much creativity has possibly spurred a sliver of inspiration in me.  Which means that you might actually see some wallpapers from me soon (hopefully).
Over the last year+ that I've been here, I have gotten quite a few inquiries from people wishing to use my art in some way.  So, I've finally decided to add usage info to my profile.

Usage Policy

I have had many people ask "Can I use this piece of yours for this?"  The answer is yes.  I do not care what you use my stuff for as long as you do not just reupload to deviantART without having made any unique changes or claim the artwork as being your own.

If you do use something of mine (such as for cover art), all I ask is that you credit me in the description and link back to my dA profile.

So, now you know.  Onto other matters.

Wallpapers will likely remain very slow coming.  I just have zero inspiration.  Drawings will probably be the majority of my uploads for a while. 

Also, I got the MLP Gameloft game.  If you would like to add me, my username is Vex3d.
I would so very much appreciate it if you guys could take a look through my gallery and tell me what I need to work on.  What are my strengths and weaknesses in my design work?  What sort of bad habits seem to persist throughout my artwork (aside from a pretty stale style)?

I feel stuck.  I know I have a TON of improving to do, but I have no direction.  It's my hope that this will also help spur some inspiration.  And just for clarification, I'm talking about my wallpapers.  I already know my drawings need a massive amount of work.  =P

A big thank you to anyone who helps me out here!